The
Evil Roommate
That
was it; the last box: unpacked. My apartment was finally complete. My late
grandmother’s couch in the corner and a pearl colored lamp next to it, the
whole room just looked, homey. There was dark, kind of orange, paint on the
wall. The celling had a jagged surface, like the ocean’s short and discreet
splashes were imprinted on the white paint that covered the entire surface. The
soft carpet in the living room and the smooth hard wood in the kitchen were
separated by a framing around the outer walls and ceiling.
“This place looks amazing!” said a deep voice coming from
a (very handsome) man, leaning on the front door frame.
“Zach! You really think so?” I replied back in an exited
voice. “I mean, the boyfriend’s opinion always matters most.”
“Yea, I really do, Kendall, I mean, look at how you build
the place around your grandma’s couch, it’s just… I know that… because… wow.
Just… it looks really good.”
“Thank you and I know that, as a boy, you’re not very
good at describing pure beauty,” I joked “so I’m just gonna let a smile and a
pat on the back let me know your appreciation.”
“Let me
do you one better…” he whispered, leaning in close, bringing his soft, warm
lips down to mine.
“Now
all that’s left is a roommate or two”
…
“Ok, I don’t want them to be someone
who will steal my clothes or my hair products
or face wash or…”
“Slow
down!” Zach blurted “any girl you choose
is going to do at least one of those things, so you either get over it, or find
a girl who does everything like a guy…with boobs…and long hair.”
“Or an actual guy” I shouted, sarcastically at first, but
then, the idea started to swell in my head. A guy for a roommate…hmmm… he
wouldn’t steal my clothes or my hair stuff, because he wouldn’t wear tube tops
or use hairspray. And he couldn’t use my face wash, because he would just use
his body wash, like any other guy!
“No way, Kendall, I’m not letting you live with another
man.”
“What? Jealous already?”
“NO! It’s just that, like, what if he starts to like you
or tries to steal you away? I trust you, but not him, whoever he may be.”
“It’s not like we would be totally alone, you’re living
here, what if he got a crush on you?” I argued.
“Well I’d rather he got a crush on me than on you.” Zack
rebutted.
“Fine!”
“Fine!”
I think it was at that moment that Zach and I came up
with the perfect solution: a gay guy as a roommate. And I bet I could find
plenty of those online.
…
“And this is the living room” I motioned over to my
grandmothers couch, hoping he would notice how well I placed it with the
surrounding furniture.
“Yes, and If I lived here, would I be able to make some
small changes to the interior?”
“Of course, like pictures or light furnishings; it’s all
in your rental agreement.” I smiled cheesy and passed him the contract in one
swift motion.
“I’ll
take it, the room I mean, this will be just a wonderful opportunity!” he
gushed, signing the contract. Just then, Zach walked in with a stern look on
his face. I noticed that in his pocket, it looked like there was some kind of
small box…I wonder what’s inside…
“You must be Zach, I’m pleased to meet you, and my name
is Aaron, one out of two of your new roommate duo.” Aaron stumbled, nervously,
yet excitedly. “Greg, my partner, will be arriving soon; right now he’s at
work.” He stepped back and looked sterner and serious when he talked about
Greg… weird…must be a gay thing.
…
“Aaron and Greg were nice.” Zack said, blankly.
“Yea, I thought so too.” I said as I shift over to my
side of the bed making room for Zack. He was only wearing his boxers, so when
he got under the covers I could feel his abs brush over my shoulder, then I
remembered something…
“What was in that box?” I asked with enthusiasm.
“What
box?” he replied, blushing.
“The box that was in your pocket earlier today, when you
came home from your parent’s house… which reminds me…why were you at your
parent’s house? You never told me.”
“Ummmmm…uh” he hesitated
Then, out of nowhere a loud crash came from the kitchen,
followed by a chorus of high pitched laughter.
“Aaron? Greg? Is everything ok out there? We heard a loud
crash!” I shouted in a sympathetic voice.
“Were ok!” Greg responded “We were moving a couple things
around, and…ha ha…’knocked’… over a vase.” He said over the sound of Aaron’s
muffled laughter, and a few chuckles of his own.
“Um…o…ok…” I said unsurely
“Let’s just go to sleep” Zack reprised, turning out the
lights with one motion.
“Goodnight Kendal. I love you.”
“Goodnight, I love you too.” I yawned, falling asleep to
Zack smiling to the echo of my words: “I love you too.”
...
I woke
up to the sound of Greg, Screeching, like a Banshee, at 7 in the morning, on a
Saturday.
“OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY
GOD! AARON, OH MY GOD AARON! YES YES YES! I WILL MARRY YOU!”
I walked out of my room half asleep in my pajamas, Zack
following me looking even more tired than I was.
“What is going on out here?” I rambled
“Zack, Kendall, we have some great news” Aaron said
through his intense smile “Greg and I are getting married! Gay marriage just
got legalized in the state of North Carolina this morning at 4:30!”
“That’s amazing guys! And I will be the first to
congratulate you two”
“Thank you!” Aaron and Greg replied simultaneously.
“Ok, well Zack and I are heading out to our traditional
Saturday breakfast at I-Hop in downtown Charlotte, we’ll be just a couple miles
out, in case you need anything, and I’m guessing you won’t, but just in case,
you have our numbers.” My voice trailed off, I could tell they weren’t
listening to me, they were too lost in each other’s excitement. So, Zach
grabbed our jackets, and we headed out, in our pajamas, just like every Saturday
ever since Zach and I met there, in our pajamas, on a Saturday, 2 years ago,
today.
…
“So, Kendall” Zach said, blushing and stumbling, he
looked so nervous, I’ve never seen him so nervous before. “You know that today
is our 2 year anniversary, and I’ve wanted to do this since the moment I met
you, I mean, not the exact moment, that would have been too weird, and you
probably would of...”
“Zach, calm down, whatever it is, you can say it.” I
placed his hands in mine, they were clammy, but I held them anyway, I could
tell it was calming him down a little bit.
“Kendall,” he slid off his chair, and went down on too
one knee, “will you make me the happiest man in the world by saying ‘yes’ to my
next question,” he pulled out a box from his jacket pocket, the same jacket he
was wearing yesterday, and the same size box that I saw in his pocket, “will
you marry me?”
People around us were gasping in awe, two little kids
started giggling into their mothers shoulders. An old couple looked at each
other and smiled, holding hands, they looked so happy, and I had a sudden
feeling that I was that old lady, and Zack was there, sitting across from me,
and I knew that that’s what I wanted more than anything, to marry Zach, and
grow old together.
“Yes. Zack I love you so much, yes I will marry you.” All
of a sudden I felt a huge rush of adrenalin shoot through my veins. “Oh my God,
were getting married, were getting married!” we both stood up and kissed, and
all around us I heard cheering and laughter, and I think I even heard the loud
pop of a champagne bottle.
He clicked open
the box, but instead of a ring, there was a small piece of paper that said: “I.O.U.
1 engagement ring. –Aaron”
...
Zack flew the door open, his face red hot, all the veins
in his forehead popped. I have never seen him this mad. I don’t think I have ever been so mad. This was quite
an emotional day. We went from the most tired, to the most nervous, to the
happiest, to the angriest people in the entire world.
“AARON!” Zack screamed, angrily. But before he tell Aaron
off, we were bombarded with…with…I don’t even know how to describe it. All I
know, the sight left me with an acrimony like taste in my mouth.
“What? You said I could change some of the interior”
Aaron replied in an innocent voice “and Greg and I thought, that this would be
a more suitable…way to decorate…”
“My late grandmothers couch, where is it? And why are the
walls blue with striped, what happened to the orange paint?
“We thought that wallpaper would give the whole place
some more pizazz. And that couch, it was just so old, we put it on Amazon, in
hopes that someone would buy it, and someone did! It’s on its way to Maine as
we speak! We used the money to buy this new white couch, to match the wall
paper! And we got a complementary lamp with the couch, so we pawned the pearl
lamp, and used the money to resize Greg’s engagement ring and buy mine! We
wanted to give the place and angelic, no, majestic feeling.”
The neon colors devoured every plain pre-existing detail.
Then I finally found a word to describe it. Gay. Stereotypical Gay. Then I
looked over at Zack. He said nothing. He had the blankest look on his face. He
slowly walked over to Aaron, took his hand, and pulled the ring off his finger.
Walked over to Greg and did the same. They didn’t do anything, I think it was
because Zack’s face was more threatening than angry. Then he walked over to the file cabinets, now
painted a light pink and color-coated, pulled out the rental agreement, and
with no effort, yanked his wrist down and ripped the contract in half. He
walked over to the door, a little faster than before, opened it slowly, then
faced Aaron and Greg.
“Get out.”
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